To Finally Speak The Words That Burned My Throat
by sctwilightvampwolfgal
Summary: The words burned and ached and left scars that refused to leave yet the emotions ran as deep as it could possibly go; they were loving, dear words that begged to let themselves be known, find love side by side.


"Is it Machi you like or is it me?" Kakeru's statement was fiercely protective and loyal yet even then there was a smidgen of truth there.

Yuki stared at the latest message on his phone several months since that first incident and couldn't help but feel at the least very surprised that somehow his best friend managed to hit the nail on the head.

He sighed.

'I miss you, Yun-Yun.' The message rang in his head like a long forgotten melody of passion, of trust, of love.

'I miss you too.' hung gravely in the reply box, still unsent, begging to be sent, begging for a day for those words to come out, to spark the full on truth of an actual conversation.

Yuki couldn't bring himself to hit send at first, terrified that his short message conveyed so much more than that of a deep friendship, worried that it contained his heart wrapped up tightly in a bow.

He couldn't speak of those words that burned his chest at night when he tried to sleep or the words that clung like small tattoos across his skin, almost everywhere he looked.

He didn't love him like a brother, a best friend; he loved him like he was supposed to love Machi.

It ached and burned, left delicate scars upon his flesh.

He hated the burning, that old flame of desire to speak, to draw out the truth; 'how do you actually see me, Kakeru?'

Yuki stared at his hands as if tracing some delicate webbing of past mistakes, as if tracing the desire that coursed through his veins that made him feel weak to their thoughts, desires, ambitions.

He wondered though if Kakeru would ever be the sort of person to read the messages hidden within the text or any other messages that were hidden in anything that he said or done; he hoped not.

Yuki stared at the wall; anything was better than those words that would appear on his phone soon.

'You do? May be we can see each other later?' Kakeru's message conveyed a hope that left its mark on Yuki as he pondered over just how Kakeru was going to visit him from all the way back at their hometown.

'How? You didn't drop out, did you?' Yuki sighed, wondering if it was really all that irrational to worry over the other man.

'Nah, I'm still going to college. It's not too hard for me or anything.' Kakeru's message nearly reeked of indifference yet that did not seem too unlike him at all, given that he didn't want to go to college to begin with.

'Okay.' Yuki felt as if his words lacked the momentum or the passion that Kakeru carried along so easily, the passion that filled up his veins caused by the man that he was best friends with.

* * *

Yuki waited, trying not to let his feelings control him at the train station, waiting for his best friend to show up, to leave the train, find his footsteps step much, much closer to Yuki.

"Hey!" Kakeru waved as he quickly left the train and easily hugged Yuki quite tightly, "So what's up?" He looked perfectly casual draped all over his best friend.

"Hi." Yuki shifted one foot, feeling the way Kakeru leaned into every motion as if just determined not to let go, "Nothing really, just waiting for you."

Kakeru grinned widely, "Well, now I'm here." He seemed much giddier than Yuki had ever expected him to be.

"You are." Yuki pulled away from him, carefully separating himself from his best friend, ignoring the way his heart beat in his chest, how comfortably it sat there as if snuggled up to something warm that hasn't been there in so long.

"So do you have any plans?" Kakeru easily stopped clinging to Yuki when the other man pulled away and shifted so naturally into a slightly leaning back position on the pole behind him.

Yuki stared at him, hating the fact that he'd failed to think of any grand plans or any plans at all for Kakeru and him to do.

"So that's a no?" Kakeru grinned, already prepared it seemed.

* * *

Kakeru finally found significantly less things to do than an hour or so ago while he showed Yuki every last touristy place and well known area that Yuki had never once stepped foot into.

"So how's college treating you?" Kakeru grinned as they finally walked up the steps to Yuki's apartment.

"Well enough." Yuki shrugged, finally unlocking the door and letting his best friend in.

"Nothing exciting happening recently?" Kakeru grinned as he set his stuff down in the living room of the apartment and wandered around the still a little bigger place than Yuki'd probably wanted.

The kitchen as was expected was not used for cooking, small containers of leftovers tucked in the fridge, trashcan a little too full.

"Not really." Yuki sat down at the table in one of two chairs; Kakeru smiled widely anyway and took the second chair that was right across from Yuki as no one had ever moved it next to the other man.

"That's too bad." Kakeru shrugged as he watched his best friend, "So does Machi stop by often?"

"She does." Yuki answered easily enough as it was certainly the truth.

"What's the matter?" Kakeru always could tell when something was on Yuki's chest but never spoken aloud though it had taken him perhaps far too long to catch this one.

"Nothing." Yuki refused to speak the words that were so tempted to leave his lips and change everything.

"Come on, tell me." Kakeru demanded, worry far too present in his eyes.

"It really is nothing." Yuki sighed, leaning back slightly as if to escape the curious gaze that Kakeru directed at him.

"It doesn't look like nothing." Kakeru pouted vaguely for a second or two before he decided that that was not the best way to drag an answer out of Yuki.

"It's not anything that I can talk about." Yuki frowned lightly, looking more than a little uncomfortable.

"Did you get my sister pregnant?" Kakeru demanded, eyes sparkling like the crooked and dangerous flames of wild fires.

"No, of course not." Yuki stared down at his table after he'd answered him, looking a little more concerned than Kakeru had expected.

"Okay, if it's not that, what is it?" He looked genuinely confused and very much interested in Yuki's answer.

"It's not really important." Yuki forced the ways down and away from his throat that now threatened to bubble over and just let Kakeru know.

"If it's important enough to worry you, it's important enough for me to want to help you out with it." Kakeru looked earnest, honest, and really seemed to long to know exactly what was bothering his best friend.

"I can't tell you." Yuki answered, carefully looking away from those inquisitive eyes that tempted his heart far more than they should have.

"Oh, should I guess then?" A gleam lit up Kakeru's eyes at the mere thought of it.

"Please don't." Yuki responded in a deadpan voice as he looked away from his best friend.

"Oh, do you like me back?" Kakeru grinned as if it were any other day that he'd point out something like this.

Yuki was more than a little startled by that question, "Why would you guess that?"

"Because it just seemed right." Kakeru murmured softly, half of a hum breaking off of his lips, looking quietly curious, heart warily on his sleeve.

"It was." Yuki held his breath, fearful of what all of this could mean for them.

"Alright, do you want to see if things will work out?" Kakeru shifted in his chair, "Just tell Machi, alright? Don't make her feel at all as if this is her fault. Komaki already found out about my feelings." Kakeru sighed though he didn't look sad, just a little wistful.

"How did that go?" Yuki couldn't imagine that that went too well.

"She told me that she just wanted me to be happy, and that she was cheering for us." Kakeru shrugged, "She still loves me and says that I can still help out with her family business. I wish that I'd never ever have hurt her like this."

Yuki couldn't find a word to say that would fit in this moment as he moved closer and let Kakeru lean on him; he couldn't imagine what that must have felt like for her, to feel so rejected, and yet for her to push forward, to never stop moving. Yuki felt more than a little proud of her, inspired by her more than he'd ever expected, and he hoped that she'd find a love that could love only her for the rest of their lives.


End file.
